Wednesday, 24 July 2013

STOP PRESS: Auntie Beeb's Left Tit Caught In Mangle

This essay / article contains among the rudest of English language words. If you are easily upset by such langauge, do not read.

Have you heard?

'We' have a new Royal baby. Oh how exciting; I do wonder what his name will be? Moses? Kevin? Adolf? Oh, and The Pope is on a $52million trip in Brazil. They are so glad because lots of little children are so very concerned about their futures and the Pope will deliver words of comfort and joy.

However, stop press because at 8.42am, Wednesday 24 July 2013, the BBC Radio 4 Today Programme reported: 'Beyonce soldiered through a concert in Montreal after her hair got caught in a fan. Neil McCormick, chief music critic at the the Daily Telegraph, and Gemma Cairney, radio presenter and former fashion stylist, reflect on other concert disasters.'
BBC presenter Justin Webb comments: "She comes out of this very well."
The media experts inform us how Blur's "Damon Albarn once broke his foot at Glastonbury, yet returned to finished the gig', and then Justin reminds us of the Janet Jackson incident; how "... one of her nipples became exposed at the Superbowl."
They continue, "... the thing with today's celebrity, your every move is being monitored... what about health and safety, it's a volatile environment on stage."
Oh come on chaps and chapess, you're forgetting, there's no discrimination in today's modern world as we are all monitored all the time, not just the celebs.

You may find official arsehole clarification of this taxpayer funded presstitution reporting at:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0375xv0/live

Oh, as a footnote, since we are discussing darling little children, did you know that between 01 January 2006 to 24 October 2009, CIA drone strikes have left at least 746 people dead:
http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2013/07/22/internal_pakistani_report_documents_extensive_civilian_drone_casualties
Among those casualties, Pakistani officials describe at least 147 civilians, 94 of whom were children. If anything, these figures are probably low-ball estimates. Yes, 94 Pakistani children killed by Obama's US drones, but let's not focus too much on unpleasant details when we have so much positive presstitutional news to enjoy!

Oh, on the other footnote, Auntie Beeb asks if human beings could realistically land on Mars? I wonder why they don't ask Andrew Basiago since he and Obomba have already been there and done that. It was apparently called Jump Room technology.
http://nppessaysarticles.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/andrew-basiago-richard-dolan-time-space.html

Beeb Edit: don't be silly Ned, we are a serious public broadcasting outlet and require fact based evidence to substantiate our presstitution.

Hey ho jolly ho, it brings to mind Derek & Clive's Jump song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAxHdTkzIjA

Laugh?! We nearly shat!
We had not laughed so much since Grandma died
Or Auntie Mabel caught her left tit in the mangle
We are miserable sinners
Fi-i-ilthy fuckers
Ahhhrrrr...... soles.

24.07.2013 Late afternoon. Stop press: it's George Alexander Louis! Not Kevin then! Oh thank phukerty phoo for that. We can all breath with a sigh relief.

Ned Pamphilon Productions 24.07.2013